Life in a Rube Goldberg Machine

I document my favorite outfits. I think I may have developed a hoarding situation when it comes to clothes and shoes.

(And nail polish)

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I bought a rack to store my favorite shirts and most frequently worn shoes so i’ll actually be motivated to get dressed and actually look cute and kind of put together, rather than laying in bed, dreading the process:

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I feel so much better about myself now that I have a job. I feel like I have broken through a mental barrier that was holding me back in life and now I can sort of just keep moving forward, you know? You can’t grow in comfort. You have to force yourself into situations that expose you to new things, new people, new ideas, new scenes. Life has rearranged itself once again and I feel all the better for it. Change is scary but I don’t run from it anymore. I welcome it. I’m really thinking about the things I want in life, what I want my life to be, who I want to be, what I want for my kids and …..

It’s amazing how God works because just as I was writing the above, some Jehovah’s witnesses (always a pleasant visit) stopped by my house with their watchtower booklet, this one being “What does the future hold?” The verse he shared was from Isaiah “From the beginning I predicted the outcome; long ago I foretold what would happen. I said that my plans would never fail, that I would do everything I intended to do.” and I was thinking about that all night and all morning, that God knows everything, he is the narrator of our lives and sees things that we can’t see. I’ve been struggling so much with a decision to leave our current church for many, many reasons. In fact, for the past couple of years, i’ve felt a calling to go but i’ve been very stubborn because i’m usually very reluctant to change….. but I feel that i’ve been primed because many things have changed in my life over the past several years and i’ve not only dealt with it but gotten better because of it, even if the change is painful and uncomfortable and entirely foreign to me. And i’m just accepting that God has never lead me to anything that harms me, he has always protected me and I can always look back and see how necessary things were. Now I am looking forward to the future because I know wherever God leads me is a good place. It’s a necessary place and all for my own good. The gentlemen that just visited me felt like they sent confirmation from God that I am absolutely doing the right thing and I have nothing to fear. I’ve been sad and even cried because things didn’t end up the way I initially hoped they would but I have faith that God has something better in mind. I’ve gone through personal struggles and trials, many of which only God knows. At times I thought I would actually lose my sanity and crumble from the weight of it all. But I didn’t. I’m still standing. The best decisions i’ve ever made were always the hardest.

Off to celebrate my brother and sister’s birthday, who made it really difficult this year in that they are both having separate parties. Tomorrow, i’m thinking about visiting a new church.

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