Yeh Yeh..

Flu kicked my ass this week. And last week. Last week, I had the stomach flu. This week, I had the actual “cancel all of your plans for the week, you’re not going ANYWHERE” flu. I also have bronchitis and it HURTS. I don’t know how I did the stay-at-home-mom thing for so long and remained sane. I’m like….. losing it over here. Ready to get back to work. And in the brunt of the flu business, I had to take Ezra to the ER and to a doctor’s appointment. Something is going on with his finger. It started out as a normal looking scratch last Saturday. By Sunday night, the scratch had expanded like it was coming open and was surrounded by a pus filled sac. I had him clean it really good and put peroxide on it and just let it be. Monday night, it doubled in size. So, Tuesday, he comes home from school and said it was hurting really badly. I checked it out and it was even bigger, starting to wrap around to the other side of his finger. So, being the anxious freak that I am, I rushed him to the ER (couldn’t get him in with his doctor), thinking it was cellulitis or something. The doctor in the ER was so chill about it, put some triple antibiotic on it, covered it with a bandaid, and said it was nothing to worry about. I’m like…… uhhhhhhh…. what? But I have learned that arguing with doctors gets nowhere. He could tell I was irritated and really concerned so he called in a prescription for antibiotics “in case it gets infected.” Bruh. Did you not see his finger. Thursday, the redness was getting darker and his skin was starting to peel. Plus, a little pimple that I noticed near his nose the night before was now opened and raw, draining pus. So I took him to the doctor and they swabbed his face, thinking whatever caused his finger to become infected (yeah, ER Doctor….. that’s an infection) must have caused the lesion on his face. They think it is impetigo but we have to wait until the results come back from the lab before we know for sure. In the meantime, we’re giving him antibiotics for it. It’s got me paranoid as hell. It looks insane. He had a friend stay the night Saturday night. Yeah, I had a house full of kids by myself because I seriously didn’t think I had the flu, thought it was just a nasty cold and I didn’t want to break Ezra’s heart by canceling the sleepover. They were running around out back and Ezra fell on some pinecones behind the shed. He was so dramatic, he swore he couldn’t move. I ran and picked him up and wow the boy definitely hit a growth spurt. He’s heavy as hell now. I carried him inside and checked him out. All I noticed were a couple scratches on his back. It wasn’t until sunday night when he was saying his finger hurt that either of us even realized he cut it. I’m hoping it is just impetigo because it could be staph or strep. We won’t know until probably monday. Poor boy. There is nothing worse….. I mean NOTHING worse….. than seeing your kids hurt/sick. It is an absolutely helpless feeling. You want so badly to just fix it immediately and make it better. Ugh, I hate this so much. My mind always goes to the worst case scenarios.

Vayda. Oh man. She is only NINE. She is going through puberty. It’s unbearable. One day she’s going to kill me for putting this in my blog lol. She has underarm hair. She showed me so I took her to the bathroom to talk to her about shaving. I told her that it’s still cold so I would prefer she wait until summer before we deal with it. Really, i’m just buying time. Eternal sad face. I told her she had the option to use a razor or hair removal cream. She wants to use the cream. She asked if she could shave her legs and that’s a solid NO. Not until middle school. Fuck that, not until college. I kid. But for real, no leg shaving until middle school, it’s too much. But I get the underarm hair. Like okay…. my mom didn’t prep me for SHIT when it came to being a girl lol. Maybe because I was already so rugged, she forgot that I actually may have cared? Who knows lol. But yeah, I first discovered that I had underarm hair when I was 11. I was at my friend Heather’s house and she was like, “Kristi, I think it’s time to shave your pits. I looked down and was horrified like HOLD UP WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE. I seriously thought only guys got pit hair. I was still really shy about that kind of stuff so I didn’t tell my parents, I just went home and handled it lol. When I started my period, it came out the woodwork. I was walking around with my crush, Jason, on Thanksgiving Day. I thought I peed my pants lol. I rushed home and saw blood. Again, horrified. Totally unprepared. I was 12. I told my mom. I was like, “Mom, i’m peeing blood!” and THAT is how I learned about periods. But, oh. It gets better. So I dealt with the period thing for however long that lasted and I thought, alright, cool. Got that out of the way. I was walking with a group of my friends to school and my friend was like, “Ugh, I got my damn period.” I told her she was lying because I remember her telling me she got it the month before. “Kristi, you do know that you get your period every month.”

SHUT. UP!

Whhhaaaaaa???? What the fuck? When was someone going to tell me this bullshit!! For how long? The best years of your life, my friend. Great. I also didn’t know that animals enjoyed pads so much. I came home from an outing with my parents and when I walked in the door, my USED pads were shredded allover the living room. My dog Tasha did it. I ran as fast as I could trying to clean it all up before my Dad came in. I would have been so embarrassed if he knew I started my period. Of course, he knew. At the time, I thought it was me and my mom’s secret lol. When my sister finally started her period, well after my brother had already left home, my dad was outnumbered by bleeding women. He used to complain about all of the estrogen in the house lol. So anyway, I made a vow that I would totally prepare my future girls for all things related to becoming a woman…. well in advance. I’ve already had a brief period rundown with Vayda. Well, when the armpit hair came, we went into the bathroom and had a more in-depth talk about things that would end up happening. She was….. horrified. I know the feeling, girl. Trust me lol. And then I told her, “THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO STAY A LITTLE GIRL AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. It’s almost over, Vayda, and you’ll never get it back.” And then, we cried. We sat in the bathroom and cried together, uncontrollably. All because she got a few sprouts of hair under her arms. LIFE IS FUCKING HARD, YOU GUYS! She already needs a bra. This is scary shit. Scary shit that I was NOT prepared for. If you have girls, please, keep them young and innocent for as long as humanly possible because it’s over before you know it. And please, for the love of God, prepare them for what is to come. They need to be comfortable enough to talk to you about things and if they’re randomly sprouting hair in places that they didn’t think they were supposed to sprout hair, its going to freak them out. If they start “peeing blood” out of nowhere, it’s going to freak them out. If they do it every month, it’s going to freak them out. Developing boobs HURT. Okay? It really does. They need to know that. They need to know what’s happening to their bodies. This is so awkward but i’m saying this as a loving friend because your daughters are going to deal with it and it could happen way before you plan for it, mentally. Veda started going through puberty at EIGHT. Girls these days are dealing with it younger than we did. Fucking GMO’s and shit. THE FOOD INDUSTRY IS ROBBING OUR GIRLS’ INNOCENCE! But I digress. Just prepare yourself. When they turn 7-ish, you should start mentally preparing for the idea that shit is about to hit the fan. Iron-rich diets when menstruation starts. All of these things I had to kind of figure out on my own. I want to spare my girls the drama. You should, too. If Nova follows in Vayda’s path, that means she’ll be hitting it around 3 years from now. That just fucking terrifies me.

My kids are growing up! It happens way too fast. Childhood seems to last forever when you’re a child and so when you have your first, you come into it with a very deceptive view of time. Then, your second hits and it’s like, you’re kind of starting to get it but not really. Because your second makes your first look like a giant but you’re still wrapped up in the smallness of your second, so, you’re kind of okay. Wait until you have your last child and they exit the toddler stage. Shit gets real at that point. They tell you it happens fast and you think you get it but you don’t. Not really. Not until your last child becomes school aged. That’s when you really start to understand how quickly your kids are growing up. Believe me when I tell you, it happens fast. If you have little ones at home, soak up every. fucking. minute. Keep them with you. Spend all the time with them that you can. Get excited over every little thing they do. Document it. You wonder how you could possibly forget. Trust me, you forget. I get frustrated that my parents can’t share a ton of memories about me as a child. If you don’t write it down, you forget a LOT. I wish I had written more down with Judea. Now, i’m always on Facebook, sharing all of the cute and quirky things they say/do. Sharing their drawings. Sharing pictures. I didn’t have that as a kid. My parents lost most of my shit.

Speaking of pictures. Check it. I have like a handful of pictures of me as a child. Even pictures of my parents, there aren’t many. There’s more of my mom than there are of my Dad. I haven’t even seen his childhood pictures. I take a LOT of pictures. Of the kids. Of myself. Because I didn’t get that luxury. Even the CD that had Judea’s baby pictures are GONE. I left it with my parents when I moved out, totally forgot it was with all of their things. Went back to get it. GONE. And then there was the period where my fucked up teeth had me not wanting to take pictures. One thing I always loved doing when I went to my grandparents house, was to go through all of their photo albums. They kept up with that shit. When I got older, I took the pictures of myself because, like I said, I didn’t have any. Yep, they’re gone. Even when I go to other peoples’ houses, I love looking through their photo albums. I just love seeing how people’s lives progress. It’s fascinating to me. I watched a video tonight of a 98 year old woman who used to dance during the harlem renaissance. She watched her videos for the first time in her life and it brought tears to my eyes. People don’t really take pictures of me. I don’t get the luxury of having candid shots of myself in action as a mom and it makes me angry because my husband is a photographer. He’s more into “urban photography”. Whatever the fuck. So if I have to snap a selfie of myself so I can look back at it when i’m 80 and be like damn girl you was fine. So be it. If I have to take selfies so my kids can remember what their mom looked like when they were young, so be it.

I’m so fascinated by the past. It amazes me. I stay on YouTube watching old videos. They make me happy. I watched a Beatles documentary and it had the clips from when they went to India and I just sat there and thought about it. Them and their girlfriends/wives…. in their prime… young and carefree, full of life. And now Lennon and Harrison are gone. Even a video I posted to Facebook earlier of Stevie Nicks. Crazy. Just seeing people age and wondering what life was like for them when they were younger…. time is scary. It snowballs. It’s slow to start but then gains momentum and just spins and collects and gets bigger and bigger until it just stops. And I can’t believe I typed that because i’m probably going to have an anxiety attack now. I’m fascinated by it but scared of it. I can’t think too much into it or else I won’t be able to function. I just don’t understand how people are so casual about our short bit of time on this amazing planet. Doing this life thing. It’s just incredible. I want to soak up every little drop of it. It’s too big, too much, not enough time. I wish there was a pause button. Just pause it and just sit there and observe it a little longer. Capture a moment and inspect it from all possible angles. Put it in slow motion. Rewind it. Start it over. Something. But you can’t do that. And that’s just scary. So my mind is constantly full. It’s always so full, trying to collect every bit of information I can. Trying to savor it all. Good grief, I have to stop before I fall into the rabbit hole that is existentialism.

If you could go to one of these three places, where would you go: Greece, road trip in Iceland, or a road trip up the coast of California. #torn.

Bye.

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