I have been having a lot of crazy dreams lately but haven’t been writing them down because i’ve been so busy with sick kids. Thursday night, I had to take Judea to the ER. He was having an asthma attack and his grandma forgot to send home his nebulizer. We got there at 2:30 AM and didn’t leave until 8:30 AM because his heart rate was through the roof and wouldn’t come down. Then, Ezra got sick and I swear he had all of the symptoms of meningitis so I rushed him in. We were there all night, too. I’m just exhausted. I can’t sleep when my kids are sick. Maybe it’s my anxiety or whatever but I wake up every 20 minutes to check on them. My eyes burn and I feel a little out of it. Judea is better and Ezra is getting there. Hopefully, we’ll have a break. That’s the thing that sucks about having a large family. The sickness takes forever to cycle through. Surprisingly, I was the only one that didn’t catch whatever the hell they had. Probably because I had to take care of everyone and God showed me some mercy lol.

There were tons of dreams but I only really remember pieces of a couple. Me and the kids climbed a water tower out in the country to get a better view of some sort of concert or event that was going on. This thing was HIGH. Freaks me out just thinking about it. I don’t know how we got up there, I don’t remember climbing it. But we were up there. The tower itself was concrete or whatever material they usually use…. but the floors were rickety wooden planks that were unstable as all get out. We were watching whatever show was taking place, there was a large crowd of people below…. but suddenly, I felt unsafe, as if we were up there to get away from the crowd, not to watch an event. The tower began to sway and I looked down and saw people shaking the support beams. I grabbed a sheet and swaddled Nova, then fashioned it in a way which made it like a sling, almost. I tied her to me and grabbed Ezra and began climbing down a ridiculously long ladder. It seemed like no matter how many steps I took, I just wasn’t making progress in my descent. People began to shake the ladder and we started to sway. I woke up because I knew if I didn’t, we were going to fall.

In the another dream, Kevin and I were in the back room of a new house, going through boxes. The neighborhood was dangerous. We looked out the window and saw some rowdy teenagers approaching our front door. I ran to the door and locked it, then turned to Kevin and asked what we should do. I guess I knew they were going to try to gain entry. He acted casual about the whole thing and i’m there full on panicking. Time went by and they’re just sitting on our front steps, laughing….. almost taunting us like they knew we had to come out at some point. So I said enough was enough was enough and grabbed a shotgun. Kevin tried to stop me and tell me we should just wait it out until they left but I was getting angrier with each passing moment. I didn’t like that they were taunting us and I hated feeling like a sitting duck. So I flung open the front door and fired a shot in the air. They tried to run but I aimed the gun at them and told them if they moved, I was going to shoot them. I had them all sit down and I started scolding them. I only remember saying, “What in the HELL makes you think you have any right to just sit here occupying my front porch? Of all of the places you could be congregating, you’re just going to sit on my steps??” and then I started talking to them about poor choices and being trash and blah blah blah…. and I escorted them down the street, aimed the gun at them, and told them to keep going until I couldn’t see them anymore. I walked out back so I could see if any others were lingering around. A redheaded girl that had been hiding in my carport charged me from the back and knocked me to the ground, knocking the gun out of my hand. She pinned me down and tried stabbing me with a knife and I started wrestling her. Somehow I got the knife from her and stabbed her but when I did, her arms (oh man this is embarrassing) turned into like…… idk…. manatee arms or something LOL. It was freaking weird, she was an alien, I woke up, the end.

btw: mood

btw: So. Much. Music.


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