Oh yes son I am on a roll. I actually have the desire to write again today. What world is this..
I am coming out of a period of depression. I never felt completely empty, though. It’s like you have moments where you think you’re empty but still find time to enjoy and notice the little things. And depression, sad as it is, is not despair when you look at it the right way. I couldn’t talk, much. Definitely didn’t enjoy writing. After the buzz of the day, family time, get togethers, and responsibilities wore off, i’d just lock myself away and sit there. Alone. Quiet. Still. And now that I am coming out of that period, I kind of feel like it made perfect sense, really. You have to hit a low, sometimes. It’s necessary to slow down. Necessary to rest up. Necessary to withdraw. You have to remain silent in order to fully listen. I was listening…. to all kinds of stuff, honestly. But even through all of that, still….. so thankful to God. Wisdom can be found in the loneliest, most isolated places. Today, I thought about how i’m never completely empty. Sad? Sure. Lonely? Of course. Empty? Never. And the words that repeated over and over in my head:
My cup runneth over.
My cup runneth over.
I am not empty, I am full of life. Full of love. Full of God…… my cup runneth over. Immeasurable joy. I don’t have to convince myself of these things, it’s obvious to me. When I find myself in the middle of a pity party, I have to remind myself…. you are BLESSED. Not because it could be worse. No, no, no. There may come a time that it is worse. In fact, I know there will.
No, i’m blessed because it couldn’t be better.
That’s right. Life could not be better. I am a creation of God almighty, a child of the artist that painted every beautiful sunset to kiss the horizon, the architect of the mountains, I am His and life could be no sweeter than this. To be able to still see joy in suffering is one of the greatest gifts and is proof that I belong to THE God…. The only one capable of satisfying my soul.
And as i’m thinking over this, I’m thinking about all of Psalm 23. We usually reserve this passage for the grieving or bereaved or just….. tragic situations…. but it is one of the most beautiful passages of scripture and, to me, I see no death in this. I see LIFE. My SOUL feels ALIVE when I read this.
The LORD is my shepherd.
THE Lord. Not this lord or that lord, THE LORD. The ONLY LORD. MY shepherd. He is mine and I am his. I have a personal…. intimate…. close….. relationship….. companionship….union….bond…. PERSONAL…. with THE LORD. I do. He knows me. All the people in this world, in the history of this world, and I have an intimate relationship, Kristi Ann Lind, born in 1984, no great accomplishments or achievements, full of mistakes and accidents and failures…… and yet, I have a relationship with THE LORD. My Shepherd. The only one to follow, the one who will never lead me astray, the one who will walk with me until I make it to where I need to be….
I shall not want for money because he is my treasure. I shall not want for food because he provides and nourishes my soul. I shall not want for fame because if the entire world knew my name and my history, my LORD knows every single thing that happened in the history of forever that lead to my birth and he knows the hairs on my head and the freckles on my face and the cells in my body and he knows the song in my heart that no one else can hear and…… I SHALL NOT WANT. I shall not want for a bigger house because he’s already got a mansion waiting for me. I SHALL NOT WANT. We could do this all night. I SHALL NOT WANT. Not this or that or anything I didn’t even know I could want for because I have more than enough.
Depression is despair? NO. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters. He gives me rest. Silence. Comfort. He is with me, my God is with me. Slow down, this is where you will rest. There is no turmoil, the grass is still green, the water is still…. the only storm that is taking place is in your mind, focus your thoughts on me and I will give you comfort, I will give you rest.
Thank you, Jesus. Still and quiet, I hear you. I feel you. I understand. Thank you, Jesus. It doesn’t last forever and you are with me through all of it. And now I see clearer. You have refocused me. And I know those times that I am sad, those times I feel misunderstood, those times I feel alone, those times I feel weak, these things did not slip past you and they are all for a purpose, they all serve to make me exactly who and what you want me to be, created me to be, for your glory.
This entire world is the valley of the shadow of death. Every sin, every temptation, and yes, every smile, every bit of happiness, every victory, this earth…. is death. It is not the moments before you last breath, it is every breath you have ever taken. We walk through this valley and fear NOTHING. There is no greater confidence than the confidence you have in Jesus Christ. He has overcome all of it and he is our shepherd leading us through this valley, step by agonizing step he is there. What is there to fear? He leads with his staff, his word, his promises to us. He disciplines us with his rod, not to beat us into submission but to guide us, with love, in the path of righteousness. These trials, these valleys that we must walk through, the do not weaken us. They strengthen us. And glory to God for it. Glory to Christ Jesus, thank you.
I need nothing, you’ve covered all of the bases. You provide. Let the world take each other’s heads off. They run in confusion and panic, searching for nourishment, searching for relief, searching for something to devour, but I will sit at your table and eat of the bread of life and my soul will not hunger for anything. It is well with my soul. I will not thirst, my cup runneth over. You have blessed me, Lord, I need nothing, I fear no one. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you for your mercy, Lord. Thank you for your goodness. You are all I need. I need nothing. I want nothing. I fear nothing. You are everything. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
This life is beautiful, I have no words.