I feel like I am literally going to explode. I’m not even kidding. I feel like I can’t breathe. Last year, I knew I wasted a LOT of time and towards the end of the year, I really, really, REALLY regretted it. So I told myself that I wouldn’t let that happen in 2016. More importantly, I told myself that 2016 was going to be the most epic year of my life. Like, up to this point in life, this would be my best year because I was going to intentionally make it just that. Well, friends. I am pleased to say that I am on track to having the most epic year of my life. I have to keep hush about most of it. I hate jinxing things so I don’t usually disclose information until I am riding its ass lol. But when I say this is going to be my year, I mean….. this is going to be my year.
You’re not getting it.
That’s okay. I can barely grasp it, myself.
My sister and I have our trip for May. We were going to do a California road trip deal. Like fly out there and hit up all the hot spots. Well, someone beat us to it. We’ll do it, someday. But in May, we’re going to be going on the biggest trip of our lives. I can’t even…….
Nothing will top this trip. It’s….. I can’t even put it into words. Nothing will beat it. My sister shares that same zest for life that I do. We make shit happen. Yolo. Seriously. I’m down, she’s down, we’re down. If we want something to happen, we will find a way. Well, we found a way. And it’s going to be epic.
That’s just our sister trip. It’s for her 30th birthday. I have several more trips coming up this year and big things happening!
When I say it feels like God has literally grabbed my bucket list and started checking off items for me, I mean that in a literal sense. God is just going down the line ticking one box after another and I have no clue what i’ve done to deserve this. I have no clue why all of the things I want are starting to happen. Just like that. Things that are just deep in my bones, things i’ve dreamed of doing for so long, the person i’ve wanted to become. God is paving the way for me and i’m just standing in awe….. it’s like God is literally laying pavement down right before my every step. I’m not kidding. Wait until the year is over lol I cannot wait to look back on this year and see how it all panned out. Crazy.
Shannon and I had a planning session tonight. We’re going to have to have several more but we laid a lot of groundwork for the trip and I’m saying…. that and everything else I have going on in my life right now has got me feeling some kinda way…. like 5 years ago, I had no idea I would be where I am at right now. I feel like i’m standing right on the edge of life and i’m about to just jump. This all sounds so random and obscure but I honestly don’t know how to put it into words, I don’t know how to describe what I feel right now, I just want to run outside and scream. Life gets you down, you get right. back. up. Period. That’s all there is to it. You feel like you’re swimming through sewage one minute, just floating in a vat of human feces, then the next minute, it all changes. That’s how crazy life is. Sometimes it’s slow gradual change, sometimes it’s abrupt. That’s why you should never give up. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. You may be miserable today but tomorrow could be the best day of your life, you just have to show up. Just arrive. Get through today. Everyday. Keep going no matter how hard it gets, no matter how tired you are, no matter how alone you feel, how unhappy you are. Tomorrow could be everything you ever hoped for and everything could change.
Do it for yourself. Seriously. I had to have a serious talk with Vayda the other day. She keeps getting in trouble at school for talking during class. She gets a letter grade for the day and she had been getting a bunch of C’s and even some D’s, which is an absolute NO GO. I had punished her every way I knew how. But seriously, how well do you work on threats? How efficiently do you work when someone threatens you? Probably not all that good, huh? YOU have to want to do it. So I told her, just like this: Vayda, you’ve had an A many times. How does it feel when your teacher tells you that you’ve earned an A for the day? Feels good, huh? Feels like you did something special, right? Well, you need to understand this. There’s going to be days when there is no one there to tell you how important it is that you get an A. No one is going to tell you what to do, you’ll make your own decisions. And most days, there will be no one there to congratulate you for doing a good job. No one’s going to be there to reward you. Your reward is the satisfaction of knowing you gave it all you got. You did it on your own. You put in work and you did something for yourself. Sometimes, you’ll be all you have. You don’t need to get an A for me, you don’t need to get an A for your teacher, you need to get an A for you. That’s basically what I told her. She’s not totally going to get it right now but someday, this is all going to make sense to her because this is the honest truth. You may love people, you may want to do right by them, you may want to make them proud, get their recognition and all that jazz…… but you need to do for YOU first. Do YOU. Make yourself proud. Do the things that make YOU happy. It sounds selfish at first. It sounds very, very selfish. Trust me, I know all about sacrifice. I live it. But the thing is, if you sacrifice who you are, if you sacrifice what you are, there you go. There is no you anymore. There is no you to offer to others. There is no you to serve others. Just some shell of something you once were. A drone. A number. A blank face in a sea of other blank faces. You’re gone. If you REALLY want to give yourself to others, make sure you keep a YOU to give. Handle YOU first, then you’ll be just right for the people around you. Will people call you selfish? They sure will? But is it because you’re selfish or is it because they don’t have the audacity to live their life as authentically as you do? I smell jealousy, honestly. And that’s not your problem. They’ll try to knock you from time to time but you just keep doing these things for yourself. If someone says you’re spending too much time studying, you keep studying. You know that studying is doing something for you that they never can, you’re giving yourself something that no one else will be able to give you. But that also means they won’t be able to take it away, either. If they tell you that you are putting too much time in your work, you just keep working. Keep going. You’re doing something you’re passionate about, something that means something to you. If you have no passion for life, what good are you? Be passionate about your work and just ignore the people who can’t tolerate your happiness. They’re just mad that they don’t have it in them to be happy about what they do. If you want to get up and go travel, DO IT. Make it happen. Don’t talk about it your whole life until you get to the point where you look back on what could have been. It can be! Where there is a will, there is a way. Do it before you’re old. Do it before you don’t care anymore. Do it before your passion dies. Just do it. Sacrifice if you need to. Analyze what’s important and start getting rid of ANYTHING that doesn’t mean shit to you. That’s what i’m on. I’m done keeping up with shit that doesn’t matter. Seriously, live. Just live. And if you find yourself bitter about life, if life hasn’t been kind to you and you’re rolling your eyes thinking, “SOME people have jobs and have to actually work to make a living” go ahead and keep that attitude. See how long you can maintain it. Before your insides rot out. Before your spark is completely gone. You’ll go numb. You won’t feel anymore. Like a wet match that just won’t light anymore. A firework that won’t ignite. Broken lightbulb. Just useless. And the thing is, you won’t even know how useless you are because the desire to be anything other than useless won’t even be there anymore. Like a zombie. I’m so afraid of that. I’m so afraid of getting comfortably numb. Fear and pain and trembling and uncertainty, these all mean that i’m alive and I still have a choice. I welcome them. The thing that scares me the most is apathy and comfort. The point where I don’t care, either way. No spark. I can’t. This probably sounds like a cheesy motivational speech but i’m passionate about this because I honestly feel like if most of the world took care of themselves a little better, it would be a lot more pleasant for all of us. Imagine going to a business where everyone there is excited about their job. They’re doing what they love, they’re good at it, they care, shit matters. Better attitudes, optimism spreading like wildfire, imagine a world like that. The world sucks because people suck. People are too scared to put in a little more work to swim against the tide and go another direction. So they go with the current right over a cliff. That’s the end of that fiasco. It’s a rat race and you’ll die in it. Maybe not physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually DEAD.
I’m done. I’m feeling on top of the world. AND the Lumineers new album drops in April. I’m just saying. 2016 is where it’s at lol.
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THAT ONE TIME I COULD HAVE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT POSTING MUSIC? Lawd. I’m out. Oh, but before I go, just thought i’d let you know that i’m so happy and high on life, I went back and took out 8 f-bombs I dropped in this post. You’re welcome.