Life isn’t fair?

Most of us experience a lot of similar things in life. I mean, our parents, at some point, told us we can’t have a cookie. I’m sure that’s happened to most of us. At some point, someone didn’t want to play with us. At some point, someone stole our turn. We’ve been lied to. We’ve been deceived. We’ve been duped. We’ve been hurt. Someone has said hateful things about us. Someone has broken our trust. Someone has treated us unfairly. We didn’t get the position we wanted. We didn’t get picked. Someone stole our idea. Someone didn’t love us back. Someone took advantage of us. Someone cheated us out of something. Someone left us. We bought the wrong thing. We made the wrong decision.

This is life. This is life. This is life. This is life.

Is any of this new?

Is ANY of this new?

This has been happening our WHOLE lives. Why do some people get soooooooo……sooooooo…… what is the word I am looking for? So…… you know what i’m talking about. Like this is a news alert. This is a shock. Every single time. Like, “No. No way! The world isn’t fair? SAYS WHO?”…… they did WHAT? Noooooooo…… they’re……. human?!?! No way. What is this……. water coming out of the sky????????? Traffic?!?!?! At FIVE O’CLOCK ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON?!?!?!?! Nooooooo. You’re charging…….retail price????? For that top quality gadget????? You mean……. I can’t get it…… for the LOW?!?!?! I got sick?????? WHO gets sick?!?!?!?! My kids…… misbehaved??????? You’re……..mad at me????? At ME????

Sometimes I just get so annoyed by it. Because of these life-changing revelations that happen CONSISTENTLY throughout our lifespan…… some people…… ;ihfd’ihs’oinovius’oifn’snbfi……. some people…… just find it impossible to be happy. And it’s like. What exactly did you expect? What exactly are you waiting for? What were you hoping for? Did you honestly believe you would have hit the lottery by now? Is that why you’re so miserable? Because you didn’t hit the lottery? I’m sorry, tiger, did life not quite turn out like you expected? Did you expect that you’d never get wet? Never get sick? Never get hurt? Never be scared? Never be used? Never be late? Is that what you thought this was? A world in which all odds bend in your favor?

And people wait…… because they still don’t get it. They’re still waiting to strike oil. They’re still waiting on that pot of gold. They’re waiting for everything to be perfect. And everyday, when things aren’t perfect, they’re just miserable. Go ahead an tack a calendar on your wall….. mark an X on every day that goes by that you didn’t get your way. Watch how quickly it fills up…..

They let these things…… these NORMAL fucking things…… make them MISERABLE. Dream shattering. Life is just sticking pins in their balloons, knocking their ice cream off of their cone….. that’s what they thing. That they’re just being bullied.

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Cuz. Listen. As HARD as it is to believe……. life isn’t fair…..for ANYONE. Which, kind of makes it fair. We all get shit on. Think of the happiest couple you know…… there is not one doubt in my mind that they have argued over something so bizarre, you would never, ever look at them the same. If they haven’t, they are truly weird. I don’t give a shit. We had to move some shit around to pay our phone bill recently. I feel like I keep my mouth shut enough, i’m putting this one out there. I was on my way to the beach with the kids and the damn phone got cut off. Like, what is that. So….. since my phone was CUT OFF….. I did what I had to do. I paid the shit. Boom. Problem solved. All HELL broke loose. Let’s just put it that way. It went DOWN. Do you want to know why I have absolutely no shame sharing this? Because I know EVERY last one of you reading this, if you’re in a relationship or are married……. you’ve argued over crazy shit before. Maybe you didn’t argue because one of you did the responsible thing and paid your damn phone bill….. but maybe you argued about something equally as stupid. HELLO. Show me a perfect marriage. Where’s it at. Show me. Show me where this marital bliss is. I want proof that it exists. Because, here on planet fucking earth, shit happens.

This is why people say that happiness is a choice. It is a CHOICE. Yes, there are unexpected things that take place which bring instant happiness….. but how freaking often does that happen? How often does the happiness fairy visit you and drop her happiness bomb on you? Not very often. Shit gets real. Life gets tough. Plans go south. Things don’t always turn out the way you want. So if you’re waiting for all of those things to be okay….. if you’re waiting for life to go exactly like you want it…… you’re going to let your entire life pass you by.

Some days will be harder than others, I get that. Some days, we just literally want to sucker punch everyone we see. Totally. Give yourself the freedom to have some bad days…… not a bad life. There is a MAJOR difference between being miserable here and there and being PERPETUALLY fucking miserable. And i’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear. And you’re probably not going to like me for it. But if you are constantly miserable…… it is YOUR fault. I don’t care what your husband or wife is like. I don’t care what your kids are like. I don’t care what your boss is like. I don’t care what your bank account is like. If you are constantly miserable, there is no one to blame but yourself. The only reason you blame other people is to dodge the responsibility of taking charge of your own happiness. PERIOD.

I can’t lol. I’m getting annoyed. I’m getting mad just thinking about it. So i’m going to take charge of my own happiness and end this while i’m still ahead.

4th music

It’s amazing how much I do NOT want to write right now. Not here, anyways. So i’m just going to commemorate this fabulous(ly exhausting) weekend by sharing some of the awesome music involved lol.

lol a combination of the beach trips and barbecue. I hope it also demonstrates how random me and my sister are lol. We were sitting kind of close to this guy on the beach today and we were singing Nat King Cole’s Smile…… I like to think our lovely voices put him to sleep lol because we looked over and he was knocked the eff out lol. Over and out.

11 universal laws dream

A lot of randomness going on in my dream last night. For one, me, Ashley and Shannon were in Vegas. Then, an old friend of ours suddenly appeared out of nowhere and replaced Shannon. We were in our hotel room and, instead of going out, exploring, we had a guy in there giving us guitar lessons LOL (i’ve been watching too many youtube videos haha). But then, I got up and went to the window and looked out and was like, “We should NOT be in here right now. We should be out there.” And you could see the Grand Canyon from the window (I understand this goes against geography but whatevs.) And I don’t remember a whole lot else, it was allover the place. But the dream switched scenes and I was in a room somewhere with Kevin. I was getting ready to walk out but he called me back. He said, “Kristi, I have to ask you something important.” And it actually startled me because this is NOT Kevin’s normal behavior lol. Kevin is kind of zoned out, he’s not very intentional. When he talks, it’s always laid back and casual, I don’t know how to explain it. Like I said, he’s just usually zoned out and doesn’t focus much on the things he says. So I looked at him sideways and I was like, “Ummmm. Okay?” and I had no idea what to expect lol. This probably sounds crazy but you’d have to really know Kevin to know what i’m talking about. It was like he wasn’t himself. And he looked right in my eyes (something he also doesn’t do, he’s usually very passive i’m sorry lol) and he said, “Do you believe in the eleven universal laws?” and I went expressionless and realized I wasn’t talking to Kevin. Then I woke up.

Hair crisis.

We have a full day tomorrow. Beach and a barbecue. It’s almost 1:00 in the morning. I’m up drinking coffee. I’ll just add this to the series of bad decisions i’ve made today.

I’m not quite sure if i’m just stubborn or if there is really, actually, something wrong with me. When it comes to my hair, I could do this:

Hey remember that one time?

O….M…..G. NO. Remember that ONE time?

Oh, hey, remember that one time?

Noooooo, but remember that one time?

Then there was that one time.

Oh, I totally forgot about that one time….

All day.

The time I died my hair stop light red with blonde streaks because I wanted to look like a spice girl but just looked like ronald mcdonald ran out of red dye and left his bangs out. The time I tried to go ash blonde but it turned out green……. in some areas…… the time I got a perm and looked like Compton’s most wanted. The time I dyed my hair black……then tried to dye it blonde…… and something happened….. actually, a lot of things happened, none of which made sense. The time I closed my eyes and took a pair of scissors to my hair because of all of the bad choices I had made up to that point. The time my hair was pink. The time my hair was blue. The many times my hair was orange. Red. Burgundy. Magenta. There was that one time my hair actually grew and got healthy and looked like fucking hair is supposed to look….. and now, here I am. I wanted to redo my ombre because it grew out. I also wanted it to be silver because fuck it, why not. Well, for whatever fucking reason, I didn’t feather the bleach properly so now I look like one of those pinterest nailed it situations. There is a distinct line in my hair. Brown. Then blonde. NO silver. There’s maybe a few strands that turned out silver but that’s probably entirely coincidental, it was probably already fucking gray or something, IDEK anymore. I don’t know. I’m confused. Nothing makes sense. This doesn’t even look like my fucking house anymore. I have no idea where I am and I have no clue who that dude is laying in my bed. I want to put my head through the wall. No, seriously, I want to put it through the bedroom wall so that I can see the bathroom. This dude in my bed is talking about laptops *right now*. And none of it is making sense. I don’t think he fully understands the magnitude of this situation. Dude needs sensitivity training. You don’t talk about fucking laptops when your wife is having a hair crisis. I want to call for a family meeting. Right now. I don’t even want to wait until tomorrow. And the kicker is, the older three aren’t even here. Which means, I want to wake up Nova, sit her down, and level with her. I want to talk about bad decisions, right now. And then, I want to cancel all fourth of July festivities. I want to take my red lipstick that I never fucking wear and draw an “out of order” sign on my white tee-shirt that I never wear, and I want to wear it for a week. Then, I want to twist the lipstick until all of it is out, put it in my hands and squeeze it. Mush it around a little bit. Smear it on my face, my arms, etc. Then, I want to watch depressing movies. Like the Pursuit of Happiness or something. I love that movie, but it’s depressing. And I just want to sit there.

Have I meditated? Fuck no I haven’t meditated. If I had been meditating, I probably wouldn’t be in this shit right now. I’m just saying, I watched youtube videos. ALL of them. Like, every last one of them. I did it step by step. I did what I was supposed to do. You little youtube LIARS. You little sneaky bastards. You 18 year old, I have no bills and no real responsibilities in life, I live with my parents and they paid for this shit on my head but i’m going to tell you I did it myself because going to the salon is so mainstream, liars. You’re babies. You’ve still got milk around your mouth. Stop lying to the world. You’ve ruined my life.

I’m 31. This adult thing just isn’t working out for me. Period. I tried it out but it’s just not working. I don’t know how to adult. I don’t. I thought I would have my shit together by now. I thought i’d have fabulous hair by now like i’d have a system. I would have a go-to stylist that I trust with my kids’ lives…… and she would read my mind because we’ve known each other for so long and i’d look forward to salon trips because she’s an amazing human being and I can talk to her about aliens without worrying about her frying my fucking hair off because i’m distracting her. I don’t even need pictures…… I tell her what I want and she knows, she gets it. Because she knows me. And she cares about me. She wants what’s best for me. I’d invite her to special occasions and send her Christmas cards because we’re like <-> this close.

But no. I’m 31 and am still finding myself trying to strategize as I am surrounded by empty boxes of bleach and ruined dishes and destroyed towels and a burning scalp because I SUCK at life, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I SUCK AT LIFE. Happy now?

I can’t trust salons, either. The whole time i’m scoping out my jacked up ‘do, I’m hearing that crazy bitch in my head. “Oh yeah, this is exciting. Look at this. This is a fun little piece right here.” Just making shit up. Totally winging it. She’s zoning, she’s not even thinking about my hair as she tugs at these random strands that “somewhat” look like the color I wanted, while the rest of my head looks like a damn fun house.

I don’t know what i’m going to do, honestly. I don’t even know. I need to get my life together. I just went from hopeful to TOTALLY depressed within a matter of like 2.5 hours. I thought things were looking up for me but now, there’s this line in my hair and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve got no more tricks up my sleeve. Game over.

home alone.

Husband is at the beach with the kids. Blog time. I plan on cleaning, painting my toes, reading the Bible, playing the guitar, and running around the house in the same thing I fell asleep in last night.

The other day, when it was raining, Vayda was sitting by the window, waiting for her dad to get home. I was on the couch, zoned out. I was staring at the trees. That’s something I used to love doing when I was a kid. I loved just sitting in the window, watching the world outside…… especially before a storm. I’d always pay close attention to the tree tops. I thought it was cool how, one minute, everything was still, then, without notice, the trees would violently shake in the wind, then stop just as suddenly as they had started. So, I walked over and sat down beside her and told her about what I used to do as a kid. I asked her if she could imagine what it must be like at the tops of the trees, watching the world below. She said, “Oh, I already know what that would look like. Everything would look smaller. Like, i’m looking at your car right now and it doesn’t look any bigger than my hand. But the closer I get, the bigger it gets.” And I told her that was “perspective”. She repeated it, gave more examples to confirm she understood. I love moments like that. And I love that she made that observation. It reminds me so much of when I was little.

Last night, Ezra asked if he could see pictures of the universe……..and I got way too excited. I pictured him being my sidekick, watching documentaries with me. First, we watched the moon landing and I had him say Neil Armstrong’s name out loud, then say the whole, “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” thing lol. I explained to him how important that day was and that memaw and papa were way younger back then and that people stayed glued to their televisions that night. I told him it was one of the biggest days in American History…… and he was so excited that he got to see it on YouTube lol. So, then, we watched the space jump together. He told me that he wanted to do it one day and that I shouldn’t worry about him, he’ll be okay as long as I have a bunch of mattresses on the ground, waiting for him to land on hahaha. So since he was so interested in that, we watched dudes flying in wing suits. He told me he wanted one for his birthday lol. Then, we watched about 30 minutes of a documentary about the universe. Because, the other day, we were talking about volcanoes. He wanted to know why they erupted. I compared it to blowing a balloon up with too much air and he got so excited that he understood lol. Then we started talking about the sun and I explained to him that our planet is in the perfect location to sustain life…… and that if we were any closer, we’d burn up, any further, we’d freeze. I let him check out my astronomy app and we found the international space station, the hubble telescope, a bunch of different constellations and all of the planets. So it got him onto a “space” kick lol. When we were watching the documentary, he made me pause it every two minutes so he could run and tell Vayda what he was learning. “Vayda! Vayda! We can’t live on Uranus because it’s hot, we’ll burn up and we can’t breathe! Vayda! The sun is too hot, you can’t land on it! Vayda, the sun is burning up a comet! It’s frozen on the inside and the sun is melting it! Vayda, stars are made up of gas! Vayda, the sun is a star! Vayda, people live in outer space!” It was hilarious lol.

Kids soak this stuff up. I know when I was a kid, I wanted to know EVERYTHING. I couldn’t stand it when someone would tell me something without explaining it to me. I hated it when I didn’t understand things but was told to accept them, anyway. I was always raising my hand in class. Always bugging my parents and big brother. I was always reading encyclopedias.

Now that i’m older, I see that it goes so much further than simply wanting to know the answers to everything. It’s about being able to think for myself. It’s about not being lazy with my mind. It’s about not taking everything at face value. Being constantly curious and inquisitive. All of these random facts I spout off to my kids are working towards a larger goal. Hopefully, by teaching them to look up the answers, it will teach them to use their heads. To not rely on vague explanations for things. To not just accept something as fact because everyone else tells you to. Not only that, but to be bold enough to ask the difficult questions when everyone else is afraid to. To find the answers when everyone else is too lazy to. To boldly state what they know to be true and not fear what others think about them. These are the things I teach my kids. I assume they know nothing….. so I teach them everything. Everything. And I teach them to assume they know nothing. I teach them to look for the answers to confirm they are right. To confirm they actually know things and understand them. If they don’t understand something, I usually use comparisons to help them make the connection between difficult concepts and things which they already understand.

I don’t want them to blindly follow orders from people. If I am raising them to do what I tell them to do, without explaining WHY they need to, I am failing. Regardless of what they do in life, I just want them to use their heads. I don’t want them to be robots. I want them to live a life that’s true to themselves. I don’t want people to be able to control them like puppets on strings. I don’t ever want them to feel like helpless victims to anything. I want them to be bold and courageous.

I give them options. There are some things that I will forbid them of….. like excessive violence or vulgarity. I won’t let them watch Sponge Bob but I let them watch scary movies if they’d like. And I explain the difference to them. I explain why Sponge Bob is such a terrible show for kids to watch…… how it’s mindlessness. But that scary movies can serve a purpose. There is usually a strong element of bravery and courage. Thinking outside of the box to get out of difficult situations. How to expect the unexpected, how to react quickly when you are overwhelmed with fear. How you should never, ever, under any circumstances, run up the stairs when someone is chasing you with a knife lol. Okay, I kid. But still. See, I am a strict parent but in a different way, I guess. They play midnight club on playstation but if I catch them running people over, they get their privileges taken away lmao. We don’t get down like that over here. I try to just kind of hover over them to make sure they’re not doing something terrible or harmful…… but, for the most part, I try to encourage them to use their own judgment. To make distinctions between things. To understand the context of situations. I am trying really, really hard to just teach them how to think. Because, God knows, we live in a society which does the opposite. They teach you to fear. To doubt your own judgment. To not speak up. To rely on others. To believe anything you see and hear. Society is doing everything it can to sabotage individualism. I want my kids to be the ones that shine. The ones that aren’t scared to go against the grain in pursuit of what’s right.

When I was a kid, I wasn’t having it. You know how you got that one friend that always made shit up? And no one ever called them out on it because they were friends? I wasn’t any of that. I was the one telling you you’re full of shit, then proceeding to tell you why you’re full of shit lol. I wasn’t putting up with bullshit explanations for things. I got that from my grandparents and my Uncle. They weren’t putting up with bullshit, either lol. They weren’t timid, they were bold. If something smelled fishy, they were calling it. If they had to be the only ones getting up and walking out of a situation, that’s what they would do. I wasn’t raised to follow the flock and i’m not raising my kids to, either. Of course I don’t want them to be rebels or anything, I don’t want them to cause problems or intentionally rebel against authority or whatever. But I want them to have strong convictions and to not be scared to stand up for what they believe and who they are. Even if they have to stand alone. Even if it sometimes costs them friends and relationships. I want them to be about principle. God, raising kids is SO much more than just telling them what to do, meeting their basic needs and facilitating activities for them or whatever. You have to be intentional. You have to guide them in every way. And today, you really need to teach them how to think because, if you don’t, you can bet someone out there is teaching them not to. And that’s scary as hell.

Stressed in my dreams lol

So, I guess my parents were back together and it was my brother and sister’s birthday. In the dream, Judea also shared a birthday with them. I think my grandparents were still alive because my parents kept having to go back and forth to Orlando. Anyways everyone counted on me to handle the birthday party. My mom was pressuring me, telling me I needed to hurry up and get things taken care of before they have to go back to Orlando. I remember being at the mall, shopping for clothes for Judea and arguing on the phone with Kevin saying something like, “Oh, are you going to do it? Are you guying to buy stuff for his birthday? Didn’t think so, so let me shop.” I guess he was complaining about me being at the mall. At one point, I had my two best friends with me. One of them kept trying to bum money and rides off of me so she wasn’t helping. The other was technically “with me” but not really helping me with anything. I got back to the house and started cleaning up and taking care of the kids. My mom, sister, and husband took turns blowing my phone up. My best friend told me to sit down and relax and I was like, “Who’s going to cook? If I don’t cook, no one is eating. Do you think any of them know how to bake these casseroles? Are you going to bake them?”……. and I was just……mad. I was doing everything, I had to do all the shopping, all the cleaning, all the decorating, all the cooking, and not only was no one appreciative, but they acted like I wasn’t doing a good enough job. Kept barking orders at me, telling me things I needed to do yet no one would pitch in and actually help. Last thing I remembered was getting in the car, it wouldn’t start, so I started walking to wherever I was going….. then I woke up.

here here

Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

1 John 4:20-21 “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

Proverbs 24:17 “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles,”

Romans 15:1-2 “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”

1 Peter 3:8-12 “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Colossians 3:12-14 “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Mark 12:31 “The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

But I think the most important one is:

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Really think about that. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Jesus came to call the sinners, not the righteous.

It’s amazing how Christians, after all of this that has been said in this book, this living, breathing, word of God, that we neglect the most important verses, the most important commandments, the most important principles, and trade them in for more rules, more laws. You cherry pick the Bible in search of more laws to cling to.

It seems that, in every other sin, we extend mercy based on context, based on moral distinctions. Just like the “baby in the hot car” incident. It is taken in context. We will not hesitate to damage a person’s property in order to save the life of a child. Murder. All of the wars that we have fought, the lives that have been taken at our own hands……we put it into context that it is a necessary evil in order to save the lives of the helpless. A father walks in and sees his daughter being raped, then takes the life of the rapist….. we do not lump him in the same category of a serial killer who murders people out of the evil motives of his heart and mind. Divorce. We still judge that one but we are quicker to forgive, especially considering the individual context. Gluttony. We have no problem with that one. How many verses tell us to not be hoarders of wealth and material possessions….. and yet, how many Christian women are getting breast implants and lip injections, how many of us vainly paint our faces, purchase expensive jewelry, hoard material possessions, etc? It’s so easy to extend mercy to the sins that we commit, it’s easy to see the context in ANY other sin BUT homosexuality. When it comes to homosexuality, we basically lump them into the same category as the men who conspired to rape God’s messengers in Sodom. How is that even fair? How is that justified? To look onto two men in a loving, committed, exclusive relationship with one another, who profess that they TRULY love one another, and put them in the same category as the sodomites who routinely gang raped people? There is no moral distinction, there is no mercy. We cling to these few verses and throw the book at them. But there are SO many more verses which talk about our behavior towards one another. Don’t you think there is a reason as to why there are more verses speaking of love, mercy, and compassion, than there are verses condemning homosexuality? Because, one holds a LOT more weight than the others.

We willfully blind ourselves to the truth. We routinely rewrite history to serve our own agendas, to give credit to our own ideas and beliefs. Was it not the Christians who took this land from the natives, took their lives, and forced them onto reservations? I don’t understand how we so easily forget that part of history when we’re talking about our roots and our ancestry and our founding fathers. If you so much as mention it, you are labeled “unpatriotic”. As if it never happened. As if it has been made up. Why do we do it? Why do we ignore that part of history? Well, because the Fourth of July wouldn’t be as fun, now would it? When we talk about this great nation, we leave out the part in which we enslaved African Americans and forced them to do our bidding, to till our lands, to build our cities, to fight our wars…… without extending freedom to them, without giving them proper representation. You know how these things were justified? They were using Bible verses to further their own, self-serving agendas. What about segregation? What about women’s rights? What about the class wars? We ignore ALL of that. All the while, we’re using Bible verses to justify our actions. Indians weren’t slaughtered under the watch of Muslims in this country. African Americans weren’t enslaved and beaten and denied equal rights under the watch of the Athiests in this country. It was under the Christians’ watch that these things happened.

Likewise, it was under Christians’ watch that we have allowed homosexuals to remain marginalized and discriminated. To not offer them any sort of protection from crimes inspired by hate and intolerance. How many of them, under our watch, were beaten and killed? How many of them, under our watch, felt so helpless that they took their own lives? Under our watch, we have denied them the same rights extended to us. We talk about the sanctity of marriage. We use that as a reason to not allow them to enter a legal arrangement with one another. It is our belief that God is the one who ordains a marriage. Without God ordaining the marriage, it is not sanctified in the first place. The government is not the one which sanctifies a marriage. God is. The role of the government is to acknowledge the marriage as a legally binding agreement between two people. That is it. It is for legal purposes, only, that the government is even involved in marriage. When God is involved, it is Holy matrimony. When God is not involved, it is a legal agreement. Athiests marry. Muslims marry. Buddhists marry.

Anyways, so now we’re talking about how doomed our country is. All of a sudden, we’re doomed. As if the Blacks that were beaten in the 50’s and 60’s didn’t feel like our country was doomed. As if the mentally ill which were thrown in asylums at the turn of the century and forced into strange experiments and forgotten by their family, didn’t think our country was doomed. We are telling this doctored version of history to our kids and our grandkids so it’s no wonder why we are still ignorantly making the same mistakes we’ve always made.

Maybe i’m wrong. Maybe I have no clue what i’m talking about. But maybe, no one wants to admit the truth. Maybe most people want to go with the popular ideas of the day. Maybe. Maybe we’re human and we willingly blind ourselves to the truth because the truth can be a tough pill to swallow. Maybe.

I still don’t believe that homosexuality is natural. I still think it is a perversion to God’s natural order. And I will be hated for that, i’m sure. People will not like me very much for saying that. And it isn’t just because God says it’s so. It isn’t just because i’ve read a convincing argument which convinces me that it is so. I don’t even know how to explain why I feel it is unnatural. I guess I don’t have the proper words. And i’m tolerant. Probably as tolerant as they come. I keep my mind as open as possible to everything around me. I try very hard not to be manipulated by popular opinions. But there are things I look at and my mind just goes, “that is not natural”. Polygamy, to me, is not natural. Orgies, to me, are not natural. Pedophilia, to me, is not natural. These are perversions, in my humble opinion. God gives us discernment. I use that discernment as best as I can. And so, some things, to me, based on my own discernment, are just not natural. Look, I have kids. FOUR of them. And I don’t believe that pedophilia is simply a crime from a deranged mind. I believe it is a sexual orientation. I believe that there are men (some women, but mostly men) who suffer the sexual perversion of being ONLY attracted to children. Clearly, this is a perversion which should not be acted upon because it involves a child which cannot think properly for themselves, they are not mature enough to make decisions for themselves. Pedophiles can dig up history and give us MANY examples throughout history of children who regularly entered marriage with adults. But the argument is invalid because society has evolved. Children today are not carrying the same responsibilities and maturity as our great great grandparents did. Society is different now. Argument = invalid. But people view homosexuality as being a “gateway” to allowing more perverted lifestyles, such as polygamy and pedophilia, to become normalized. Kind of like how 9/11 and our fear of terrorists (who hijacked planes with box cutters and flew them into buildings, one of which being the most heavily guarded buildings in our country but, whatevs) as a reason to enforce unwarranted wiretapping, unwarranted seizing of personal property, invasive searches at airports (which have been proven to be uneffective but, whatevs) and the constant threat of disarming law-abiding citizens. That’s what happens when you use an isolated incident as an excuse to infringe upon the rights of people who SHOULD have rights. Homosexuals…… should have rights. Period. Regardless of what sort of “gateway” they may be. Regardless of whether or not we agree with their lifestyle.

And for those who are crying foul about the treatment of Christians in America, why don’t you try living in China. Pakistan. Somewhere like that. Jesus Christ lived under the ruling of the Roman Empire. Your argument is invalid.

I shouldn’t let this get to me, but it does. It really does. Because the world is not black and white. The Bible is not a rulebook. If the Bible were a rulebook and all we needed to do was follow it, play by play, without using any discernment, without any direction from the Holy Spirit, without any wisdom or knowledge, without any understanding of moral gray areas, etc…… then we wouldn’t have been created as free-thinking individuals. To not use your OWN mind in situations is negligent and ignorant. It just is. To allow a blog article or news segment to do your thinking for you is negligent and ignorant. To take a few verses out of the Bible without considering the Bible in its entirety, without the proper context, and using those verses as a reason to spread hate and aggression towards a minority group, is negligent and ignorant. And I may be wrong. Maybe i’m wrong. But I won’t hesitate to stand in a packed arena and yell my position through a megaphone. And I don’t care if the entire crowd boo’s me to tears and throws tomatoes at me. That’s how serious I am about this. I’m sure there are others who share my position….. but hopefully, the reason they aren’t sharing it on social media is because they believe, by doing so, they will become part of the problem. So instead of arguing with people who already have their minds made up, they responsibly remain silent and do what the Bible tells us to do: continue to strive to live a Holy life, to the best of their ability, and to love others as Christ has loved them.