Motivational something or another.

I feel like I am literally going to explode. I’m not even kidding. I feel like I can’t breathe. Last year, I knew I wasted a LOT of time and towards the end of the year, I really, really, REALLY regretted it. So I told myself that I wouldn’t let that happen in 2016. More importantly, I told myself that 2016 was going to be the most epic year of my life. Like, up to this point in life, this would be my best year because I was going to intentionally make it just that. Well, friends. I am pleased to say that I am on track to having the most epic year of my life. I have to keep hush about most of it. I hate jinxing things so I don’t usually disclose information until I am riding its ass lol. But when I say this is going to be my year, I mean….. this is going to be my year. 

You’re not getting it.

That’s okay. I can barely grasp it, myself.

My sister and I have our trip for May. We were going to do a California road trip deal. Like fly out there and hit up all the hot spots. Well, someone beat us to it. We’ll do it, someday. But in May, we’re going to be going on the biggest trip of our lives. I can’t even…….

Nothing will top this trip. It’s….. I can’t even put it into words. Nothing will beat it. My sister shares that same zest for life that I do. We make shit happen. Yolo. Seriously. I’m down, she’s down, we’re down. If we want something to happen, we will find a way. Well, we found a way. And it’s going to be epic.

That’s just our sister trip. It’s for her 30th birthday. I have several more trips coming up this year and big things happening!

When I say it feels like God has literally grabbed my bucket list and started checking off items for me, I mean that in a literal sense. God is just going down the line ticking one box after another and I have no clue what i’ve done to deserve this. I have no clue why all of the things I want are starting to happen. Just like that. Things that are just deep in my bones, things i’ve dreamed of doing for so long, the person i’ve wanted to become. God is paving the way for me and i’m just standing in awe….. it’s like God is literally laying pavement down right before my every step. I’m not kidding. Wait until the year is over lol I cannot wait to look back on this year and see how it all panned out. Crazy.

Shannon and I had a planning session tonight. We’re going to have to have several more but we laid a lot of groundwork for the trip and I’m saying…. that and everything else I have going on in my life right now has got me feeling some kinda way…. like 5 years ago, I had no idea I would be where I am at right now. I feel like i’m standing right on the edge of life and i’m about to just jump. This all sounds so random and obscure but I honestly don’t know how to put it into words, I don’t know how to describe what I feel right now, I just want to run outside and scream. Life gets you down, you get right. back. up. Period. That’s all there is to it. You feel like you’re swimming through sewage one minute, just floating in a vat of human feces, then the next minute, it all changes. That’s how crazy life is. Sometimes it’s slow gradual change, sometimes it’s abrupt. That’s why you should never give up. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. You may be miserable today but tomorrow could be the best day of your life, you just have to show up. Just arrive. Get through today. Everyday. Keep going no matter how hard it gets, no matter how tired you are, no matter how alone you feel, how unhappy you are. Tomorrow could be everything you ever hoped for and everything could change.

Do it for yourself. Seriously. I had to have a serious talk with Vayda the other day. She keeps getting in trouble at school for talking during class. She gets a letter grade for the day and she had been getting a bunch of C’s and even some D’s, which is an absolute NO GO. I had punished her every way I knew how. But seriously, how well do you work on threats? How efficiently do you work when someone threatens you? Probably not all that good, huh? YOU have to want to do it. So I told her, just like this: Vayda, you’ve had an A many times. How does it feel when your teacher tells you that you’ve earned an A for the day? Feels good, huh? Feels like you did something special, right? Well, you need to understand this. There’s going to be days when there is no one there to tell you how important it is that you get an A. No one is going to tell you what to do, you’ll make your own decisions. And most days, there will be no one there to congratulate you for doing a good job. No one’s going to be there to reward you. Your reward is the satisfaction of knowing you gave it all you got. You did it on your own. You put in work and you did something for yourself. Sometimes, you’ll be all you have. You don’t need to get an A for me, you don’t need to get an A for your teacher, you need to get an A for you. That’s basically what I told her. She’s not totally going to get it right now but someday, this is all going to make sense to her because this is the honest truth. You may love people, you may want to do right by them, you may want to make them proud, get their recognition and all that jazz…… but you need to do for YOU first. Do YOU. Make yourself proud. Do the things that make YOU happy. It sounds selfish at first. It sounds very, very selfish. Trust me, I know all about sacrifice. I live it. But the thing is, if you sacrifice who you are, if you sacrifice what you are, there you go. There is no you anymore. There is no you to offer to others. There is no you to serve others. Just some shell of something you once were. A drone. A number. A blank face in a sea of other blank faces. You’re gone. If you REALLY want to give yourself to others, make sure you keep a YOU to give. Handle YOU first, then you’ll be just right for the people around you. Will people call you selfish? They sure will? But is it because you’re selfish or is it because they don’t have the audacity to live their life as authentically as you do? I smell jealousy, honestly. And that’s not your problem. They’ll try to knock you from time to time but you just keep doing these things for yourself. If someone says you’re spending too much time studying, you keep studying. You know that studying is doing something for you that they never can, you’re giving yourself something that no one else will be able to give you. But that also means they won’t be able to take it away, either. If they tell you that you are putting too much time in your work, you just keep working. Keep going. You’re doing something you’re passionate about, something that means something to you. If you have no passion for life, what good are you? Be passionate about your work and just ignore the people who can’t tolerate your happiness. They’re just mad that they don’t have it in them to be happy about what they do. If you want to get up and go travel, DO IT. Make it happen. Don’t talk about it your whole life until you get to the point where you look back on what could have been. It can be! Where there is a will, there is a way. Do it before you’re old. Do it before you don’t care anymore. Do it before your passion dies. Just do it. Sacrifice if you need to. Analyze what’s important and start getting rid of ANYTHING that doesn’t mean shit to you. That’s what i’m on. I’m done keeping up with shit that doesn’t matter. Seriously, live. Just live. And if you find yourself bitter about life, if life hasn’t been kind to you and you’re rolling your eyes thinking, “SOME people have jobs and have to actually work to make a living” go ahead and keep that attitude. See how long you can maintain it. Before your insides rot out. Before your spark is completely gone. You’ll go numb. You won’t feel anymore. Like a wet match that just won’t light anymore. A firework that won’t ignite. Broken lightbulb. Just useless. And the thing is, you won’t even know how useless you are because the desire to be anything other than useless won’t even be there anymore. Like a zombie. I’m so afraid of that. I’m so afraid of getting comfortably numb. Fear and pain and trembling and uncertainty, these all mean that i’m alive and I still have a choice. I welcome them. The thing that scares me the most is apathy and comfort. The point where I don’t care, either way. No spark. I can’t. This probably sounds like a cheesy motivational speech but i’m passionate about this because I honestly feel like if most of the world took care of themselves a little better, it would be a lot more pleasant for all of us. Imagine going to a business where everyone there is excited about their job. They’re doing what they love, they’re good at it, they care, shit matters. Better attitudes, optimism spreading like wildfire, imagine a world like that. The world sucks because people suck. People are too scared to put in a little more work to swim against the tide and go another direction. So they go with the current right over a cliff. That’s the end of that fiasco. It’s a rat race and you’ll die in it. Maybe not physically but emotionally, mentally, spiritually DEAD.

I’m done. I’m feeling on top of the world. AND the Lumineers new album drops in April. I’m just saying. 2016 is where it’s at lol.


Random music.







DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THAT ONE TIME I COULD HAVE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT POSTING MUSIC? Lawd. I’m out. Oh, but before I go, just thought i’d let you know that i’m so happy and high on life, I went back and took out 8 f-bombs I dropped in this post. You’re welcome.



More Reggae

Memories. Classics.

Totally forgot about this song. Reminds me of dancing at Arlesha’s sister’s house:)


This just always makes the list, it never gets old, will always be in my top 5 for reggae:

Not a classic but still one of my favorite reggae songs ever:

Music for days, I swear. Time to start the daunting task of rebuilding my iTunes lol.

Honey I found the meteorites.

This song has got me feeling like the next big thing. Mixtape dropping this summer lol.

I am about to upgrade my gear and get a new camera because taxes and all and it’s just been a long time coming. I think i’m going to request a pink camera with rhinestones or something just to reinforce the fact that the camera is mine. Idk. Seems like a good idea.

I’m really nervous about talking in front of a bunch of people in Chicago. I keep it too real. I mean…… I keep it way too fucking real. To the point I look like i’m off. I have no clue what my deal is. I guess I just sort of feel like I should be able to say whatever the hell I want to say and you know, in the real world, you just can’t.

Unless you’re Cartman.

Whateva! I do what I want! lol

No seriously, I feel like i’m going to go out there and start breaking out the street slang of a young black man from the 80’s, i’m going to be calling them cats and what not and it’s just not going to pan out well. This whole thing is getting so weird to me. It’s awesome. But it’s me lol. I know me a little too well.

I have to find my neutral again. See, if I don’t have serious anxiety where i’m acting awkward and avoiding people, I’m on the other end. The end where I give zero fucks and I do what I want. Like Cartman. Start handing out reality checks to people left and right. I get in that crazy mood where i’m almost delirious. I have a weird grin plastered to my face and I sing “Fuuuuuuccccck it alllllllll” in my opera voice. I talk to myself, that’s known. But what many people may not know is that I sing uncomfortable situations in opera. “Yooooouuuuuuu people are in my fucking waaaaaaayyyyyyy. Why did you looooookkkk at meeeeeeee like thhhaaaaaaattttttt. Your asssssss looks like cottage cheeeessssseeeeee in those jeeeegggggiiiiiiinnnnnggggggssssssss. Get me the fuck ouuuutttttt of heeeeeerrrreeeeeeee. I’m hungry and i’m going to fall over and start convulsing any seccccooonnnndddd noooowwwww! Doooooonnnn’tttttt look at meeeeeeeee!!!!! Dooooooooonnn’ttttttt look at MEEEEEEEEE! I’m not heeeerrreeeeee. It’s a mirrraaaagggggeeeeeeee!” You get the idea.

I’ve been eating cooking fabulous meals lately. I ate kale for the first time in my life today. I always thought kale was just a garnish lol. I’d only ever buy it to set the Turkey on at thanksgiving lol. WELL. We learn something new everyday, don’t we. It was actually pretty good. I sautéed it with onions and garlic in some olive oil, salt and pepper. Yes. When I have a win for dinner, I always do the running man. I hate carrots but I know I have to cut it out and be an adult so I baked them in a honey/balsamic vinegar glaze. Another yes. Wild rice and a rotisserie. I can do this. So long as my husband STOPS BRINGING HOME COOKIES! He doesn’t want me to get hot. He’s a hater. I know he’s out to sabotage my shit. The other day I made a pretty good spinach and mushroom quiche. I don’t like that word, sounds like someone farted or something. Don’t you hate really stupid words for different food? Almost makes you not want to even eat it because the name is so dumb. Chard. Sounds like a description for shit or something, idk how I came up with that but that’s what it reminds me of. Feces. Chard. Get real. Pumpkin fluff. We make it every year during the holidays but really? Pumpkin fluff? Sounds like an annoying mom came up with that name. I am willing to bet money on it. She embarrasses her husband when he has friends over to watch football. “I made you guys some pumpkin fluff” lol. Idk why that just made me think of this skit:

(terrible, terrible language. Don’t watch it.)

I feel a phase coming on. I want to hunt for meteorites. I’m going to be that weird lady on the beach with a metal detector and a fanny pack. But I read that the odds of finding fragments (tiny, tiny) in your own yard are pretty high and you can even do so with a horseshoe magnet. Soooooooo. Hello?! Am I the only one excited, here?? As if the neighbors don’t think i’m crazy enough (my rooftop shenanigans and random music being played lol) they’re going to look out the window and see me scanning my ground with a horseshoe magnet lol.

I’ll just tell them i’m looking for my kids.


I always have this thing where I link songs with songs…. sometimes super obvious like this:

With this:

Or stuff like this:


With this:



Or the same song title:








Or here’s a fun one…. Emotions:

Can be linked to:

And that can be linked to:

I need to stop because it will go way too far lol. But I seriously feel like I could find a way to weave the most unrelated songs together if I really put in an effort. I could have threw Destiny’s Child in there for remaking the Bee Gee’s song.

Well that’s that. I have to get to bed early so I can wake up and put my adult disguise on.

Waves Dream

Shannon, Kevin and I were at our first house we lived in together. A couple of his friends were there visiting him. I got the impression that he knew them from Omaha but I wasn’t sure. I was trying to get ready but I couldn’t find anything I was looking for. Well, for one, I tried to do my hair but it was cut up to my shoulders and it wasn’t working out. I put it in a ponytail that looked really cute but then I remembered a friend who wears their hair like that frequently so I didn’t want to look like I was stealing their look. So I pulled it down and started looking for a specific outfit. I couldn’t find it and was getting irritated. Shannon said, “You probably left it at school”. And then I remembered that when I was in college, I had a closet in my English class where I kept extra clothes and jackets and what not. Of course, not really, but the dream and all lol. Anyway so I started thinking about school and getting upset that I never finished, when Kevin walked by with an appliance box full of old, unwrapped twinkies LOL! I kept asking him, “Omg, Kevin, where did all of those come from? Where did you find them?” And he kept walking past me, not responding…… as if he heard me but was focused on what he was doing and didn’t want interruptions. You know how if you’re trying to remember a number or something and people try to talk to you, you’ll block them out so you don’t forget? That’s what it was like. But he went out into the front yard and he was standing there talking to his friends. We lived right on a massive body of water. I guess it was a river. It was huge. There was a bridge connecting our side to the other…… I just woke up, i’ve not slept this late in so, so long. So i’m not thinking straight, I feel weird okay lol. So you know what it usually looks like by a bridge, right? There’s nothing there, right? Right. But our house was. Our house was there and everything looked industrial, there were tall towers and power lines around….. and our house was literally right there on the river bank. You could tell by the way the grass looked that if you walked close enough, you’d sink into mud. I’m allover the place. I’m sorry. I’m still tired. So he’s down there talking to a group of people and i’m standing on the porch. He’s showing them a picture of him standing on a floating, concrete dock and they were moving in the picture (because we’re in the middle of having ourselves a Harry Potter marathon. No, really, we are.) and I recognized the dock. In the dream, it was a dock that I stood on to explore some remote place in the world, I can’t remember….. somewhere cold, with glaciers. Idk. This is getting weird. But in this dream, I had already been allover the world. So anyway, I was telling him about what happened when I went exploring and as we’re talking (and no one is listening to me) I noticed that the river waters kept getting choppier and choppier. Finally I looked up and there were massive waves and cars floating in the water. I told Kevin to look and when we looked again, there were all kinds of people in the waves. It was like a terrible storm disturbed the water but there was no storm, just violent waves. And the way we approached the situation was that, “Oh, no. This is tragic. Poor people.” but we still stood there and carried on…. until I saw a little boy going under the wave. He looked like he was maybe 9. He was black, had on a red t-shirt and some jean shorts, that’s all I remember. I didn’t even tell anyone what I was doing, I ran as fast as I could and dove head first into the wave. I went under and could clearly see everyone around me struggling to reach the surface but I realized it was hopeless. The water was too violent and strong, I couldn’t even get the boy. I relaxed myself and prepared to die, basically. And my last thought was, “So that’s how this works. You can’t save people who are drowning. Now i’m going to die, too.” But “drowning people” was pertaining entirely to the people who were in this choppy water. It was as if these people were always there. The water always did this, it always got violent and people, cars and all, would always find themselves out in this river in front of my house. That’s how I understood it in the dream. I think the meaning to the dream is pretty self-explanatory. I woke up feeling weird as shit because under water I could see everything, it wasn’t murky, it was clear with maybe a brownish tint…. but I could see the light at the surface, obscured by the waves. I felt the pressure of the water, as I was pretty deep. I felt my body being pulled in many directions at once because of the choppy waves. I saw people and shadows of people all around me. You could hear muffled screams from the surface but it all sounded as you’d think it would sound underwater in a situation like that. I knew it was pointless to even fight to live, there was no way and i’d only make my death more painful. So I chose to relax and just let it happen so I could go out peaceful, with dignity. I need coffee. Oh and “Wishing and Hoping was playing in our house while I was trying to get ready” but I don’t even want to post that because I don’t feel like it goes with the vibe I got from the dream at ALL. Yes, I need coffee. I’m freaked out.

Can’t get enough of your lamps baby

Well, well, well.


I had an ADHD meltdown yesterday. Meltdown doesn’t sound right. Explosion fits better. I have these fits where I compulsively scour the internet for the most RANDOM things. Watching a video on how to be an explorer in one tab, three ebay tabs open, watching a video tutorial on another tab, two craigslist tabs, facebook tab, gmail tab, pinterest tab, three tabs for random pins I opened, and an article on national geographic’s website. That’s my adhd explosion. By the time I was done, I committed to buying some lamps I didn’t need, started a macrame project that I will probably never finish and learned how to knit with my arms.

The lamps:


They were $8. I can’t even. $4 a piece for those of you who suck at math. EIGHT FREAKING DOLLARS. What RANDO posts ANYTHING for $8???? Like, before I sell something for $8, I would just give it away. I mean, is he putting it in a piggy bank or something, dude wtf?

I had my sister come with me because yesterday I didn’t want to come into contact with anything that breathes other than her and people who dwell with me on a day-to-day basis. I don’t want to look at anyone, I don’t want anyone looking at me. So I picked Shannon up so she could do my bidding lol. She even had to run in the store for me to get my milk, dish and laundry detergent and pull the cash for the lamps lol. Who does that. Anyway, I was seriously sketchy about whether or not he was really selling these lamps so cheap so we pulled up in some black dickies, black hoodies, skull caps, fingerless gloves and some crowbars to retrieve my goods. He wasn’t bullshitting, they were $8. I personally believe he was selling his grandma’s lamps for meth but that’s not my problem. He’s officially on my Christmas card list. I don’t even send out Christmas cards but he’s getting one for sure. These lamps are fabulous. Kevin doesn’t appreciate my love of lamps. Nevertheless, he’s about to buy me a $200 philips lighting kit. It’s called Hue. YouTube it and see it in action. Fucking amazing. I will be controlling the lighting with my iPhone. It doesn’t get much better than that.

So I went to take my sister home but she wanted to make a pit stop at Chick-fil-a. Listen. They have turned over to the dark side of fast food. The likes of Wendy’s. Shannon says McDonalds but I personally don’t think it’s reached that point yet. She was dead ass serious when she said, “Sometimes, they don’t even say ‘My pleasure'”. This is crap. So we played happy music to boost morale at the window:


Even though it wasn’t morning, but rather 9:00 at night. And it wasn’t really beautiful outside, it was quite shitty, actually. But it’s the thought that counts and I don’t think they appreciated what we were doing for them. We used to refer to them as cherubs. They are trolls now. Fucking chick-fil-a trolls and ogres.

We peeled out and played this to boost OUR morale lol:


Barry White makes it possible to form a soul train line. With two people. In a moving vehicle lol. It’s like magic.

I already had lamps in the living room that my sister got me for Christmas. As soon as they asked me what I was going to do with them, I screamed “They’re all MY lamps, don’t go telling me what to do with my lamps, you have no say in this, I’ll put them all in the living room if I feel like it, you just let me figure this out.” I haven’t figured it out yet lol. I need a bigger house so I can display all of my lamps.

I think that about does it. Peace.

Science and history and astronomy and art and buddy holly

living room

First of all, the floors, I know. I know. But I literally mopped yesterday. I have four kids and two cats. The floors have to be mopped every single day. I’m probably not going to mop today. Or tomorrow. And the lamp shade is crooked, I know.

So, Kevin and I have our own “rooms”. I gave him the den, which is unfair because it’s twice as big as the living room lol. But my reasoning was that the majority of the people in the house will probably be congregating in the largest room. So i’ll take the room that no one wants to go in. Fail. My kids follow me everywhere. I love them. Anyway. Most women decorate the whole house and the men have nothing for themselves unless they are fortunate enough to have a man cave. See, if we had an office, it would be mine. I would benefit more from an office than Kevin would. But yeah, unfortunately i’m going to trust my husband to decorate the den however he wants. We’re different. WAY different. So here is my progress on the living room so far. We don’t have money to go out and buy all new shit at the moment, I have a bunch of trips coming up, need a new laptop, you get it. But this is what I have. I’m going somewhere with this post, I promise. So the picture closest is a map of Korea between 1950-1953 and it has a timeline of events during the war. It was my grandpa’s. Next is a map of the old world that I bought for our last place. Then an old mirror. Back wall is a picture of my grandparents on their wedding day. I found a negative in my grandparents’ photo album and took it to a place in the mall to have it developed for my grandma’s last birthday when she was alive. Under it is a vintage brass zodiac wheel with the capricorn sign in the middle. Those are the three bookshelves I pushed together so I could have a place for ALL of my books. It’s gonna have to do for now but when we get our place, I’m going to try to have custom built-ins. There’s more in the cabinets and I just got rid of a huge box of books because there was no room for them and some of them were destroyed. I don’t like that I have to cram all of the books together, there is literally no room for another book on these shelves, they are packed. So no room for figurines or anything, either. The hanging lamp was my grandparents. It hung above a chair in their living room in windsor and then they had it on their back porch in Lake Wales. Under it is their armchair that my kids DESTROYED. Don’t even know if it can be repaired at this point. The leather ottoman was my grandpa’s and Nova took a pen and stabbed the top of it several times. Kids are destructive creatures. I had to bring the kids’ book case in the living room because they weren’t taking care of their books and i’m a book Nazi. It physically pains me when I see them on the floor or with torn pages or writing in them. So until they’re responsible enough, it has to stay in the living room. I also needed more room for my books and my globes LOL. That next chair is the lone survivor from my grandparent’s kitchen table set which is a family heirloom. Then, my willow tree, which is falling apart. Next to it is the fireplace with the flatscreen above it. Back wall would be our fish tank that my husband will be cleaning out when he gets home or it’s going DOWN.

The point of this all.

My living room isn’t going to make it on HGTV. Ever. It wouldn’t survive, they’d roast it in 30 seconds flat. But here is who I have never been. I have never been the type of person to decorate something with meaningless stuff. I am not saying there is anything wrong with doing it that way, a lot of people are like that. They will go shopping with the sole purpose of redecorating a room and they’ll go for a “look” and buy things that fit that look. But a lot of the stuff doesn’t really mean anything to them. Like they’ll have a painting of a flower on the wall that they are totally neutral about, they don’t like or dislike it, it just goes with the decor. Basically, just decorations. Like pretty wrapping paper. Something that looks nice, trendy, goes with their “style”. Kevin said that if I follow through with my plans for “decorating” our living room, I am going to freak guests out. I am not going for “style” or “trends”. Well, some things, yeah. I want some antlers to hang above my map and that’s really trendy right now but I like taxidermy anyway so. I like things that mean something to me. Maps and globes, they aren’t just decor. I like looking at all of the different places in the world. I like old maps, I like seeing how cartography has evolved. Books because reading. Family heirlooms. Stuff that means something to me. I don’t want anything in my house that is “off limits” or “just for show”. I want to be surrounded by stuff that inspires me. You can literally buy a Mona Lisa replica on Ebay for like $70 bucks lol why would I want a pointless painting of some random flowers or shapes or whatever when I can just put the fucking Mona Lisa on my wall? Right? That’s my logic. Interesting coffee table books ALWAYS. Don’t you love seeing what kind of coffee table books people have?

So anyway, I have amassed a list of random things I would like to collect and they would become my “decor”. For one, taxidermy. Yes. No, not foxes and bears and stuff, that would probably give the kids nightmares. But bugs. Yep. Shadowboxes of beetles and butterflies and what not to hang on the wall. Like a science class! Yes. That’s like the first order of business. My barometer dream kind of inspired me. We used to have one of those vintage barometer/thermometer/hygrometer wall plaques in our house in virginia. I’d like one of those. But I would also like a glass vase barometer because why the hell not? And like a galileo style thermometer. Interesting stuff. That’s what I want. I want an orrery. You might wonder why I would need an orrery. Well. A couple of weeks ago, I literally had to ball my fists up to try to explain to Ezra that the earth revolves around the sun and the moon revolves around the earth and the moon doesn’t “go away”, it just doesn’t….. see what I mean? Kids are curious. Surround them with things they can interact with and learn from and try to foster a love of knowledge. And it looks cool as shit, too. So, yeah, i’d very much like an orrery. Celestial globe wouldn’t hurt either. I want my rock/mineral collection and i’ve actually found really pretty cases to display them so they look like art. And a microscope with a specimen slide set. I also want a home planetarium projector but i’m skeptical because I don’t want anything cheesy, it has to be legit and a lot of the stuff I saw looked like novelties as opposed to REAL projectors. Of course I want plants galore. Everywhere, in every nook and cranny. I also wouldn’t mind having a replica of the spell book from hocus pocus. Just kidding. (well, now that I think about it…..) And animals. Lots of animals. We have cats. I want a dog. I want a reptile tank. I want rodents. As much as I hate bastard birds, I think i’d like to hear a bird chirping in my living room. So i’d like a bird too. I want my home bustling with life and knowledge and history and science and oh yeah, cool wooden puzzles and brain teasers! Vintage stuff. Old bottles and lamps. An old radio and record player and rotary phone. I want my house to look like a hands-on museum…… with the ambient lighting and everything lol. I want the whole place to smell like wood lol. I’m getting carried away.

I don’t want to win a design competition. I want nothing but things I love and adore to decorate my house. As you can see, i’ve run out of room in the living room unless I get clever with shelving lol but there’s always the dining room, kitchen and bedroom. Maybe Kevin and I can renegotiate the den. He loves history. I’ll bride him with some paintings of depictions of civil war scenes or something. You know, the civil war that america won in 1965 (inside joke). And I don’t want all of this stuff because i’m smart. I’m not. I have average intelligence with above average curiosity and these things make me happy.

It’s raining outside, it was really gloomy when I took Vayda to school. But I was chipper and upbeat, BLARING Buddy Holly (been on a binge since the anniversary of the plane crash yesterday). Birds are chirping, the house is dark, the kids are sculpting with play dough and i’m going to go clean and listen to oldies.





Oh and that bare floor with no rug or coffee table (literally took them out) is my dance floor. So.





Selling Jesus for three payments of $59.99

Who is going to get her passport? I am. I am going to get my passport today. And i’m not getting it to go to Canada, either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



But this is super lowkey so.


I had a weird dream. I had a dream that someone sent me an unnamed audio file to my phone. I clicked it and it was the most game show host sounding dude with a “Proven method on how to sell Jesus Christ or your money back, guaranteed!” This guy was talking about how he has found a way to “sell” Jesus and get even the staunchest muslim to convert. It was absolutely INSANE. And the backbone of his whole pitch was that basically YOU could collect souls and hand them over to Jesus. YOU. On your own merits. It was directed towards the kind of person, and i’m sure we have all seen them, that boasts of how many souls were won to Christ but they do it in a way as if they are accepting recognition for it. So for the person who is addicted to winning souls like they are collecting Pokemon cards, there is now a “tried and true” method for just that. After I listened to the message, I was suddenly at a seminar in the desert. This guy was practicing his “sales pitch” and the speaker corrected him. I so wish I could remember what he said, it was one line and the speaker changed just the last few words and everyone was astonished by how changing just a couple of words could have such an impact. They were all clapping, it really was like one of those old cheesy Amway seminars, it was nuts. And I remember getting mad and trying to speak up but they didn’t see me, no one was listening. I don’t know if I was actually invisible or if they were just so entranced that they didn’t pay me any mind. There was a lot more after that involving a lot of people I know I just can’t remember exactly what we were doing. I just know it was intense. The whole dream had a carnival vibe. The people had plastic expressions, it was creepy.

Remember this scene in Percy Jackson:


I hope this doesn’t come of like I think I am somehow enlightened or anything but do you ever kind of feel like a LOT of people you know and meet are eating those lotus flowers? Like they can’t snap out of it. Just like in my dream where this guy is selling these people this “system”. I got the vibe that these people were just everyday people who had been brainwashed. The people in those polygamist camps and the people in the various cults like the Jonestown peeps and all that fun stuff, they weren’t “stupid” people. They weren’t. They were actually normal. It’s not really the dumb people that get brainwashed, they’re actually quite smart. But i’m not just talking about being brainwashed, I mean like….. anything, really. Ugggggghhhhhhhh I can’t even finish this, I have to drop the kids off so I can…….

GO GET MY PASSPORT! And other fun stuff.

But first……

I actually like this song, I like the way it sounds. Cannot handle the video lol. All I can do when I see this video is imagine the backstory. You know, what happened before his drunk ass ended up in the middle of the desert lol. I picture him being in a black nightclub and they throw him out on the street. So he’s out on the street, still dancing lol. He gets kidnapped, thrown into a trunk, is an innocent bystander to all sorts of criminal activity, then finally dumped off in the desert….. and is still drunk, dancing lol. Saucin or whatever lmao. I’m out.